Farewell

Before missionaries leave for the MTC, it is customary to give a "farewell" talk in church close to their departure. This is mine.

So, you know how on those missionary plaques that they put in the halls have scriptures on them? Well, the scripture that I picked for my plaque was to be the topic for my talk today. For weeks and weeks I looked for a scripture that had personal meaning for myself, but could also have personal meaning for any one else who read it. I wanted the perfect scripture. However, the problem with scriptures is that they all have personal meaning, and all are good.

If I could put all of Mosiah chapters 13 through 18 I would, so finding just that one scripture was a really difficult task for me. Eventually I explained my problem to my parents, and each gave me scriptures that I was surprised to have connected with deeply, and thought that both should be the scripture on my plaque. I couldn’t decide between the two, which proved to be an even bigger problem than just not knowing where to find it.

The one that my mom suggested is one of our very favorite scriptures, which is found in Alma chapter 5. Verse 29 says:

"And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?"

I liked this scripture because it's an invitation to all who have felt of Christ's redeeming love to never let it go, but it has also been a very important and helpful scripture to me in the last 6 months or so and reminds me of my own personal conversion and decision to serve a mission.

I knew that God wanted me to serve a mission when I was 14 years old. President Monson gave a talk in conference that year about the Priesthood's duty to serve a mission, and even though it was addressed to the men, I felt and knew deeply that it was also for me. At the end of his talk I turned to my mom and said, "Mom, he was talking to me," to which she replied, "I know."

I've always had a testimony of the Gospel. I've had the truth of it spoken to me many times by the Spirit. However, in the last three years I found myself struggling with my testimony. Deep down I knew everything was true, but since living the Gospel had always come easy to me, I fell into a false sense of safety and complacency. I wasn't as sincere and diligent in studying the word and loving Christ and His Gospel as I did in my childhood. Pride entered my heart and I felt like I didn't need to read the scriptures every day, that I didn't need to be so careful about my media choices. I stopped nourishing my little seed of faith, and it started to die, and even though I couldn't see it at the time, looking back I see how little the Spirit had an influence in my daily life. I wasn't as happy as I could have been if I had relied more heavily on my Savior and been more obedient.

Harold B Lee said, "That which you possess today in testimony will not be yours tomorrow unless you do something about it. Your testimony is either going to increase or it's going to diminish depending on you."

Satan often finds us when life is easiest for us. He lulls us into complacency, and then he strikes with everything he's got.

In 2 Nephi 28:21 it says: "And others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well—and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell."

When Fall term began at BYU I found myself dealing with the largest, most difficult trial I had ever encountered in my life, one which I had not been prepared for, partly because of it's unexpectedness, but mostly because I had distanced myself from Christ, and was too prideful to turn to Him for support. I had been cheated away from the Savior who died for my sins.

It was in those first few months that I felt completely and utterly alone. I don't ever remember in my entire life feeling as cold and dark as I did then. My testimony could have been crushed then, I could have walked away from it all at that point, but I remember one night in my despair praying with every ounce of sincerity that I had, saying, "Heavenly Father, I will give up everything and change if You will just help me survive this."

The love and peace I felt that night is something I can't explain, but it was then that I knew that I had never been alone, that Christ had held His arms out to me the whole time, and I had just been looking the other way.

Christ says in Matthew chapter 11: verses 28-30:

 "28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

I had been trying to carry this burden on my own in my own way for a long time, and all I had to do was put it and my pride down and pick up His yoke, which I firmly believe is easy because He carries most, if not all of the weight. When I made the decision to be more humble and faithful in my obedience to Christ, I suddenly found myself infinitely happier and fulfilled. For the first time in a long time I felt to sing the song of redeeming love, which I had forgotten. And it is the most beautiful song that I have ever heard, because I knew that it wasn't just for me. It made it possible for me to forgive and to have love and hope. And I knew that others needed to have it.

One of my new favorite hymns is Savior, Redeemer of my Soul:

Savior, Redeemer of my soul,
Whose mighty hand hath made me whole,
Whose wondrous pow’r hath raised me up
And filled with sweet my bitter cup!
What tongue my gratitude can tell,
O gracious God of Israel.

I testify that by being humble and doing what we think are the simple and little things of the Gospel, that we will be beyond the grasp of the devil, and we will be happy. If we will just put down our yoke and pick up Christ's, we will have joy. I also testify that we can't be fence sitters. The fence doesn't exist. You're either on God's side or you're not. Like Harold B. Lee said, if you aren't feeding you testimony and growing closer to Christ, you're smothering it and growing closer to the devil. You must choose whose side you're on.

I am so grateful that I was able to have this change of heart just before the announcement was made. I was so glad that I had already started the changes that would lead to a full testimony beforehand, because after the announcement was made, I knew that I needed to be firm in the Gospel of Jesus Christ before I could serve a mission. I was disappointed and a little angry with myself that I had not been prepared at the very moment that the announcement was made to put my papers in the next week, but it was a testament to me of God's knowledge and love for each of His children. He is aware of us and what we need. I marvel at His patient hand in guiding my preparation to becoming a tool in this great work.

And now that I have learned this for my self, I ask every one of you not to allow this to happen to you. Keep your testimony blazing  so that you can be a missionary at the drop of a dime, whether it be a full-time mission or a member-missionary opportunity. Don't let laziness or lack of committment keep you from sharing what the Gospel has to offer to others. Luckily I had gotten serious enough about my preparation that Heavenly Father let me know at an early date that I was ready to serve, but I know that it could have been worse had I not been willing to humble myself and change, and I will never let myself get that close to the edge again.

We each have received such amazing blessings from the Gospel. It brings us peace and joy, and we should never ever forget it. And if you are in the same position that I had found myself in: if you've felt it before, you can feel it again. It takes work, and humility, and patience, but it is worth it. We all need to sing the song of redeeming love so that others can hear it.

        Which brings me to the other scripture that my dad suggested to me. It’s the scripture that he had on his plaque when he served his mission in Florida. It’s Helaman 5:9, which says:

"O remember, remember, my sons, the words which king Benjamin spake unto his people; yea, remember that there is no other way nor means whereby man can be saved, only through the atoning blood of Jesus Christ, who shall come; yea, remember that he cometh to redeem the world."

This is the reason for missionary work. This is why I’m taking a break from school, my family, my friends, and my life for a year and half in Thailand. Not because I think it will be a fun experience, not because my parents want me to, not because every other 19 year old mormon girl is doing it but  because Jesus Christ atoned for our sins, died on the cross, and was resurrected so that we can be saved and return to our Heavenly Father someday, and there are people in this world who don’t know it. There are people who don’t know that no matter who they are, what they’ve done, or what people think of them, that they have a Heavenly Father who knows them, loves them, and wants them to be happy no matter what. They don’t know that because of the Savior’s atonement, they can repent and be forgiven of the wrong things that they’ve done.

Now that I have found my joy in Christ's Gospel, how can I keep it to myself? Lately I have been reading in the book of Alma, and I have found Alma the Younger and the Sons of Mosiah to be amazing examples of how I should be as a missionary. In Mosiah chapter 28 verse 3 it says:

"Now they were desirous that salvation should be declared to every creature, for they could not bear that any human soul should perish; yea, even the very thoughts that any soul should endure endless torment did cause them to quake and tremble."

It isn't just about eternal salvation, though, it's about how Christ's Gospel can bless the lives of every person on Earth right now in their daily lives.

It's wanting every one to feel the love and comfort that I received when I was in anguish all those nights ago.

The amazing thing about the Gospel, is that the more we live it, and the more we match ourselves with the Spirit of God, the more we open ourselves to feeling the love He has for His children. During Stake Conference Brother Call said that the genuine love he feels for all of us, even if he has never met any of us, is because it isn't his love, but the Savior's. I've experienced a taste of that love, because I already care for the people of Thailand an incredible amount, even though I have never been there. I know that that is God's love, and it's that love that caused Him to give His only Begotten Son to die for us. It's that love that caused Him to give us the Book of Mormon. It's that love that caused Him to give us a living Prophet who directs us and guides us.

So maybe now you can understand why I had such a hard time picking between the two. It wasn't until Friday afternoon that I sat down and really prayed about it. I was eventually directed to Exodus 15:2.

"The Lord is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him."

This is my scripture. To me, this was the perfect blend between the two scriptures from my parents. Jesus Christ saved me, and now I'm singing the song of redeeming love. I am so grateful to my parents and the words of wisdom that they have offered me. I have always admired their testimonies, but I had to make a place for the Gospel of Jesus Christ in myself, and now I have the opportunity to share that song with the people of Thailand, and watch it light up their lives.

This mission is not for me. It's not about me, and it never will be. This is about Jesus Christ, Heavenly Father, and His children. I am honored to serve the people there, and I know that if I am obedient, God will make me a tool in His hands, and He will change the hearts of many for the better.

I know that this Gospel is true. I am so grateful to Joseph Smith for having the courage to do all that God asked him to. It was hard, and it cost him his life, but look at what came from it. This Gospel changes lives for the better. I am living proof of that. Look around you; this ward is living proof of that. Our families are proof of that.

I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God, and I hope I never take it for granted again. It testifies of Christ. It asks us to be better than what we are.

Above all, I know that My Redeemer lives. He lives, and loves all of us. He is the Redeemer of our Souls, and is always standing with His arms outstretched towards us. All we have to do is walk into them.
I'd like to close with a scripture in Alma chapter 26, verse 16:

"Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel."

I know these things are true, and am excited to share them with the people in Thailand. I say these things in the same of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.